only comes after night –
be patient
___
the black cat sleeps
outstretched, next to a ball –
the yellow cat
___
moonlight seeps
through tree branch and sheers –
quiet house
for One Deep Breath
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24 comments:
I love the image of the moon seeping.
the yellow cat, nicely done, thanks.
The last poem speaks to me. Beautiful.
I enjoyed all these - but especially the second one, companiable cats!
Oh, these were so lovely- almost mystical!
Really, really like the second and third ones. That third is so mysterious...
Great poems, Hanulf. I didn't even think about night and day! There is a mystical feel to these.
Are you tired of rain yet????
This is so peaceful. I feel like painting these words on to my bedroom wall:) Hmmm....
excellent
I loved the yellow cat one, it was a surprise to read the final line.
All 3 of these are really nice. I love "be patient" in the 1st one. And the black and yellow cats create such a great image in the 2nd one. And "moonlight seeps" is wonderful in the 3rd.
:)
Some well observed contrasts in these haiku.
I enjoyed the views of your haiku, very good.
beautiful, so visual! Love the moon shearing and the instant images of the cats.
Sandy - you bet!!! It has rained now for some 21 or 22 consecutive days, but on and off for much longer... I don't think I remember an independence day rainsoaked. Sunny at the moment, but some dark clouds still loom.
Thanks all for wonderful comments! Always interesting to see what others get out of one's writing - everyone sees something different, has a different favorite - sometimes a reader senses the experience one had at the writing moment, sometimes readers add new meaning through their own unique interpretation - which adds more depth and texture. I love hearing this kind of feedback!
Happy 4th of July to all! :)
Hello Hanulf, your comment above says exactly what I feel about giving comments to each other in the one deep breath "community". Would you mind if I quote you for a response I'm writing to someone who's given me a quite detailed and unsolicited critique of my haiku?
heartful - of course I don't mind! Quote me as much as you like, it's my pleasure :)
Your second one was my favorite - the ball.
All three are pure delights. Your second one brings a smile to my face. I can just see the pair of them. And the sheers of the third bring to mind that shimmering moonlight. Love them.
Lovely poems, all three.
gems...all three...lovely & imaginative seeing
Nicely done! Would be hard to choose a fave - they're all so fine!
its a style that has always puzzled me. how can patterns be formed from errant words with such an imaginitve effect.
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