Of Hermits and Masks

This is my response to this week’s Sunday Scribblings; the theme is Masks.

Hermits lived their lives in isolation from mainstream society, often in caves in the desert, thus giving name to the hermit crab. These little creatures don’t have their own shells, but hide inside empty seashells in order to protect their very soft abdomens and inner organs.

The problem with these “borrowed” shells is that as the crustacean grows, the shell stays the same. As the crab gets bigger, the shell becomes restrictive and stunts its growth. The only way to solve this is to find a new, bigger shell, and to change shells, the crab has to leave the safety of its current shield and expose itself to the world…

Every so often, a hermit crab molts, which means it sheds its outer skeleton and grows a new one. This process makes it highly vulnerable for a few days, in which it doesn’t do much more than bury itself in the sand waiting for the process to finish. The amazing thing is that during this season of extreme defenselessness a hermit crab can actually re-grow lost or broken limbs. So not only does it emerge bigger and stronger, but also more complete.

I became fascinated with hermit crabs after a discussion about masks in my freshman English class in college. I started thinking about how similar we humans are to the hermit crab, in that we are so good at building defense mechanisms for ourselves. We frequently wear masks to shield our true selves from the outside world, to appear stronger or more adept at handling what life throws our way than we truly are.

In certain cultures, masks are believed to have magical properties that will endow the wearer with special powers or the ability to communicate with ghosts.

In modern society our masks take on many forms and purposes. The most basic one is makeup, which most women wear daily to “enhance” their features, thus hiding the true appearance of their face. We use clothing as another way of hiding or changing our appearance. We change our hair color, eye color, waistline, breast size, butt size; all to present an image of ourselves as more beautiful, more successful – more complete – than the original, “true” version.

We also mask our personalities. We learn to only show a carcinised surface layer of self, which includes witty comebacks, bright smiles, confident strides, and firm handshakes. But we all know that’s not all there is to us, is there. This is simply what we want others to see, as we “put our best foot forward” and dress for success.

I took a lesson from the hermit crab: I had developed this great thick skin which served the purpose of shielding me from anyone and anything hurtful. Nothing fazed me. I was soaring like a very strong and very lonely eagle. Gradually, I started shedding the layers of protective gear I had built up to form thick walls around me, walls that kept hurtful words from damaging my soft tissue, but which also made me an island, a prisoner in a self-made cave of isolation.

As I finally stopped hiding behind my strength I found that the act of making myself vulnerable was in the end what enabled me to grow stronger and become complete on a deeper level.

After said discussion back in college, I wrote the following entry:


January 23, 1997

Vulnerable.
Without this mask I am. Vulnerable.
So why do I keep it on.
That is simple. Protection.
I need to protect who
I really am because if you
See me like I am, you can
Hurt me.
That is why
The hermit crab wears his
Shell

But if he does not get out of
It at times he will suffocate
And die in his own protected world
I am but a bruised reed
A flickering wick
But you said you would not break me
You said you would not quench
My flame or snuff me out.
So I trust you.
Peel away all the layers
Of this shell so I can breathe
It may hurt but
It is worth it
Worth the pain but I
Warn you

I will be standing here shivering.
Stripped. Without my protection
I am weak. And afraid.
Afraid of weakness
But that is how I want you to
See me.
Yes I will allow you to see
Beyond the mask
To help me escape
So I can regain my balance
Get in tune with
Myself. With you
With you
So I can hear your voice
That is to be
Free